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The people who belong to “sandwich generation” is against average age 40-65 years. Although the research data on this specific topic is not sufficient and the situation is not exactly the same in all European countries, in Greece, with its unbreakable family ties, it is very common to meet people belonging to this age range to take care of their elderly parents, but at the same time have to take care of their own childrenwhich in some cases may be adults, but due to unemployment or a difficult financial situation still stay with them.
Many times it seems almost impossible to have an alternative solution, as the expectations that exist are high. People of this generation have witnessed their own parents taking care of grandparents and being present to help raise their grandchildren. Therefore, the expectation or even the outright demand is that this offer will continue the same and unchanged. On the other hand, the absence of this “devotion” or constant care often translates as indifference or abandonment. However, this situation comes at a serious cost to this “squeezed” generation of middle-aged people.
The cost of this care is not only physical, as they have to be constantly present for the children and their parents, not only emotionally, offering love and support, but it is also very demanding mentally as they struggle with frustration and the pain of not being able to meet everyone’s needs many times . THE alternative that we recommend, however, is one more limited placement as to the situation, focused a little more on caring for personal needs without guilt. The first step is to reassess the situation calmly and then set realistic priorities.
Identify stressors
What incidents or situations trigger uncomfortable feelings for you? Are they related to children or partner, health issues, financial problems, relationship difficulties, physical fatigue or something else?
Recognize what helps you cope with stress
Ask yourself if you are using dysfunctional ways of managing the stress of caring for your children and parents. Also, does this dysfunction mainly emerge in certain situations? Try to change your perspective, make space and find time for what is really important. Prioritize and divide responsibilities where possible. Say no to less important things or put off things that can wait. Also, ask extended family and friends to relieve you.
take care of yourself
Find time to recharge your batteries. Try to include in your daily life healthier habits such as exercise, a short walk, a walk or a coffee with friends with whom you can share difficulties, talk and understand or support you. Eat right, drink enough water and get enough sleep – these are essential steps towards self-care. As well as connecting with your support network. These are all habits that will allow you to fill with energy and be able to physically and mentally continue your difficult effort. Define your non-negotiable needs and communicate them openly to those around you.
Seek professional help
And while support from family and friends can be extremely important, sometimes it just isn’t enough. So if you feel overwhelmed by anxiety or sadness and can’t find any other coping behaviors that work, it might be a good idea to consult a professional so you can talk openly about the emotions that overwhelm you and the difficulties you face.
Don’t do it all alone
Assuming your financial budget allows, getting help in some areas can be extremely comforting. For example, having someone to help you clean and organize your own home can relieve you of an area that you may be sidelining due to the constant demands of others and that can add stress and fatigue.
Also, it’s good to keep in mind that help isn’t all or nothing. You can assess your needs and set priorities so that even when you can’t get the maximum help you’d ideally like, you might get some help, even occasionally, in certain areas. In addition to housekeeping, for example, you might call a taxi for a ride to a medical appointment. Another thing that can be especially helpful is to ask for help from people who can give it to you, such as extended family.
Very often we see only one of the children taking full care of the elderly parents, even though there may be other siblings in the family. In this case an agreement may need to be made whereby the one member who cannot take care of the minutes can contribute more financially.
Between two roles
What we notice, however, is that the greatest difficulty with this generation is to limit the sense of obligation to parents as well as adult children. We are clearly talking about two different roles where in one case it is the parents of the relationship and in the other the children and we understand that care cannot be equated. But what we need to keep in mind is to set clear protective boundaries regarding the caregiver’s care as this is what we forget in these cases. The guilt created in the idea of not meeting the needs of others or even in sharing the care and getting external help are structural elements of the Greek culture, especially in the generation we are referring to.
It is important that caregivers come to terms with the idea that the ideal balance will not always be maintained and that they will not always be able to do everything, and this is expected, positive and acceptable. Some period may be more focused on the care of the children and other times the care goes more to the grandparents. Caregivers, therefore, should not forget to do what they can, ask for help and be in touch with their support network.
The text was published in issue n.10 of the magazine ygeiamou which was released with THE THEME on Saturday 28/10